Completely Out of Control!!

I am stealing words from my friend Fritz here, but they really apply to my life the last six weeks or so. They are from his blog, Flowing Streams...

There’s a difference between being called to serve the Lord and knowing what God’s will for the future might be." He goes on to say, "When we're called to serve Jesus Christ, we loose control of the future."

I have lost all control of my future!! I thought I knew what my future was in South Sudan when I answered the call to serve here. I thought I would go and live in a tiny village on the edge of a river, in my tent. I had visions of floating around town like a busy little butterfly, making friends, building relationships, getting settled, learning my way around, learning the language and starting to teach.

Market area, Malakal, South Sudan

God laughed, stirred the pot and six weeks later I am in dusty, dirty, Malakal, a "city", with all the things I hate about cities, and a few extras thrown in to see how far God can stretch me. I hate cities! That is why I chose to live 10 miles between small towns! I'd go, I'd visit the city, and I would run right back to the country and the lake I loved so much as fast as I could. That is why Akobo is the perfect place for me.

Only I can't do that here. There is no country to run to. There is no river to go and sit by, at least without raising a lot of suspicion from the local and not so local authorities. I haven't even been able to take pictures, my other outlet for soul building and sanity saving. I got in trouble for that and I am very grateful that I didn't get my camera confiscated or worse yet, beaten up. Things like that happen here.

And so, my friend Fritz, you hit the nail on the head that I needed when you wrote those words, "When we're called to serve Jesus Christ, we loose control of the future." I have lost complete and total control of my future. I have no control over being in Malakal. I have no control over where I live. About the only control I have is over which of the three outfits I brought with me I am I going to wear today and what I can make to eat out of the food supplies available here. I am completely and totally at the mercy of God, our Father. 

That is exactly as it should be.

It is when I get out of the way, that I find God has room to do his will in my life; to mold me and shape me and to stretch me farther that I ever thought possible. In the words I used at the Women's Leadership workshop last week, "Remember, these stones we offer up to God as our commitment to work for peace, when broken down into fine powder,when mixed with the dust and dirt under our feet, created from our labors, and mixed with the water we have here that represents our baptism and our commitment to God; all together they create clay. We are the clay and God is the potter. When we are broken he can mold us and shape us and give us new strength and form."

That, I believe, is what can happen when we loose control of the future. I know that is what has happened since I have been here in Malakal. I know there were lessons in patience and understanding, love and compassion I needed to learn
I am stretching, Lord!

 I am also very grateful for loosing control of my future, for in loosing control, we are filled with many blessings. My blessing basket is so full it is overflowing with love and relationships I have made since coming here. If I hadn't been sent to Malakal, I would have missed out on many things.

I would have missed out on learning that 2 meters of cloth - a tablecloth - can build a community, just by wearing it down the street. Because it is the traditional dress here, I raised quite a ruckus by wearing it. I was greeted with smiles and laughter, joy and happiness. I never had my hand shaken so many times or so many people stop me on the street. I didn't think that it was that big of a deal. Until I didn't wear it. I became invisible and the few people who noticed I was there wanted to know where it was. You could see their extreme disappointment.

I grew in the learning of that lesson.  I learned how important respecting cultural dress is in building community.

I have learned that no matter how much I miss my life in Akobo and how bad I want to return there, God has work for me to do here. I have learned that when I open my arms and embrace the challenges I grow not only in what I am capable of doing, but in my confidence to stretch a little more next time. I wasn't sure I could teach to women, in seven different languages. Now I KNOW I can.

Road from Malakal to Renk


 

I have learned that when we loose control, we have to trust God to take us safely to our destination, no matter how uncertain the road...



















That sometimes, in the loosing control we have to be still and listen...













And sometimes we get to rejoice and celebrate...














Thank you Fritz for the reminder, that when we choose to follow Jesus, we loose control!



Blessings and peace to everyone!

Sharon