Sometimes the Answer is No

"No." That is a word that is both very hard for me to say, it is also very hard for me to hear and even harder to accept.  This has been a long journey, a journey of stops and starts and more stops; a journey of waiting to go again.  And so, it was with a very heavy heart, I heard the words that I would not be returning to Akobo or even to South Sudan.

I think as long as I didn't hear the words, I could hold out hope that something could be worked out.  Hearing those words ended that hope.

Even though the hope to return to Akobo has ended, it did not end my hope entirely.  That is one of the things I have learned along the way.  As long as I hold on to my faith that God has a plan and I am only a part of that plan there is always hope.  

Hope for new beginnings, Hope for new adventures.  Hope for new stories to learn and to share.  Hope that I will continue to be a part of God's work in this world.

The Bible is full of the word "hope"...  26 verses in Psalm, 20 in Job, 13 in Romans, 8 in Acts and Proverbs, 7 in Isaiah and 2 Corinthians, 6 in Hebrews and Jeremiah, 5 in 1Peter, 4 in 1 Corinthians, Ephesians, 1 Timothy, 1 Thessalonians and Lamentations, 3 in Philip, Colossi ans and Titus, Ezekiel has two. John, Ezra, 3John, Ecclesiastes, 2Thessalonians, Jonah, Galatians, Zechariah, Hosea, Ruth and Matthew each have one verse referring to hope.

From beginning to end, the Bible exhorts hope to all who have come before me and to all who will come after me.  Not just me, but anyone who needs to reach their hand out and hold on to hope. 

The introduction to 1Peter in my ESV Bible says...

Peter exhorted them to stand strong, repeatedly reminding them of Christ's example, their riches in the inheritance in him, and the hope of his returning.  Called the Apostle of Hope, Peter's primary message is to trust the Lord, live obediently no matter what your circumstances, keep hope fixed on God's ultimate promise of deliverance. Suffering is to be expected, but it is temporary and yields great blessings for those who remain steadfast.

 

That is good news and a good reminder to not lose site of my hope.  It is a good reminder to trust the Lord and to remember the verse from Jeremiah 29 that I chose for the theme for this mission..."For I know the plans I have for you..."

 

I shake my head as I type those words.  Who could have ever imagined when I first chose those words, so full of hope for my new life in Akobo, that God had different plans.

 

I cannot say this has been an easy journey.  It has definitely been a journey of waiting, but it has been a journey filled with hope for my return...next week... maybe two weeks...maybe next month...maybe after rainy season...maybe when the fighting stops... each phrase held its own version of hope.

 

And even now, when the words have been said, and there is no hope for me to return to a place that is forever in my heart, there is hope.  

 

There is each person in everyone of those scriptures I listed above, standing beside God the Father, God the Son and God the Holy Spirit, three in one, each one extending their hand of hope to me, to us,  reaching out, holding us and filling us with hope for what is yet to come.

 

As the introduction above reminds me of Peter's primary message, "to trust the Lord".  I am reminded to never lose my faith, to reach out, grab the hands extended in hope and to trust the Lord.  He knows the plans for me.  I only have to wait for them to be revealed. And someday I will see the other side of "no", I will see the "yes".

 

There are hundreds of images for "hope" if you do a google image search.  The one that reached out and grabbed me was a simple picture of the darkness with a single candle burning in an uplifted palm with the word "hope" engraved on the glass of the candle holder.  A reminder, that even in the dark times, the flame of hope is always burning and someday "no" will be "yes".